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[Muhammad Gad]

الصحف المصرية والعربية

اقتباس المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة shawi ماشاء الله مشاركتين و 211 قراءه للموضوع الف مبروك

ربنا يبارك في حضرتك يا باشمهندس ..
طبعا احنا تلامذتك ونتمنى وجود حضرتك معانا هنا دايما بخبرتك الكبيرة ..

 

 

[Paula]

احلي و اجدع ناس في الوطن العربي :)
شكرا علي الموضوع الجميل
الواحد كان بيعاني في writing علشان يعرف مشاكله و اخطائه فين

 

 

[Muhammad Gad]

دي كانت أول قطعة أبعتها تتصح على موقع IELTS-BLOG حبيت أشارككم بيها وبتعليقاتهم علي الاخطاء
People should work a fixed number of hours per week, and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this. Do you agree or disagree?

Determining how many hours should employees work has been a question for many years. Some people argue that it should be limited to a certain number, where employers are banned from requiring any employee to work over it. I totally agree with this viewpoint.
The most important reason behind fixing this amount of time is the worker’s health status because it (, which) will be severely affected if compulsory overtime was regularly applied. This situation will not only deteriorate the employee’s (employees') physical well-being in the long term but also may destabilize him (them) psychologically in the short one. For instance, a recent study published by The American Journal of Medicine revealed that there is a positive correlation between the number of working hours and the level of blood pressure, which eventually might cause dangerous cardiovascular diseases if it has (is) increased. Also (In addition), the research showed that the nutrition patterns for those who work extra time are mostly (fluctuating, making them) unhealthy.
Moreover, the working environment itself will be negatively influenced if there are no (limitations to) maximum working hours. For example, the productivity and the concentration of the worker (workers) could be lost if he was (they are) forced to continue his (their) job for an extended period. Consequently, the efficiency of the overall work process would be diminished. In addition, the employees will not have the (remove ) time to improve their skills through extra training or education, which may prevent an organization’s future developments.
In conclusion, I think that a fixed number of working hours should be implemented by employers so that we can protect the worker’s (workers’) wellness and ultimately establish an effective working atmosphere.

The candidate has presented relevant arguments. The main ideas are organized well and explained coherently. Paragraphing of the essay is fine. However, there are some mistakes related to grammar and word choice. Nevertheless, the essay meets the expectations.
Estimated Band Score 7

 

 

[mysterio]

governments should spend money on railways rather than roads to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

It has been claimed that, governments should pay more attention to railways and trains than roads however, I believe in the importance of both of them to public as means of transportation.
No one can deny our need for railways and trains because they represent fast way for moving from place to another one in short time for example, you can travel between Europe countries using them easily at different time.
In addition to, the safety issue as it is considered among the safest commuting methods when you compare them with cars or plans.
Also, many people prefer to travel using railways because they find them cheaper than travelling by different ways.
On the other hand, it is very important to improve roads and invest money in restructuring them as it is an indispensable way of moving and transferring between countries.
Nowadays, many families have cars and use them regularly to go to their work, universities or even for long vacation and travelling so, their demand is so high for ways that are both safe and comfortable.
Add to that, when you put roads development in comparison with other commuting methods improvement, you will clearly find that it is worthy because, it represent an essential alternative especially when there are difficulties to reach your destination which is full of rocks and mountains.
To sum up, spending on railways is very important as investing in roads where we cannot replace one by the other so, governments must balance its resource to improve both of them.

 

 

[liketlove]

اقتباس المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Muhammad Gad In the contemporary world ( you can replace it by " Recently" ), children face a myriad of challenges where they must (need to) be well educated (off topic) and at the same time get involved in their society. Some people think that the mother and father are responsible for doing that ( “that” refers to two challenges “ well educated and get involved in their society “ where you should refer to the second one only) while others say that the school is the ideal place where students can learn anything ( try to avoid such words, you can add a short sentence instead ) . In this essay, both views will be discussed in more details. On one hand, the idea that home is the best (place) to teach the little people how to interact with others ( this is not a complete sentence, you can add “ can be deemed as a popular belief for many people) . For example (replace it by “Indeed”), involving them in different occasions is very important as this may help them in talking and discussing their points of views towards many issues in their life. Also,( don’t forget the comma) practicing sports with the family members as well as doing a (remove) volunteering ( you must replace it with the proper adjective voluntary) work with them all of this (remove) will enable them to be good members in the ( replace by “of” )society. In addition to that children spend more time with their parents than others and they consider them as they role model. ( this is not a proper sentence , you can replace it by “ In addition, this situation can help the children to actively interact and learn from their parents as well as to respect them as role models.) On the other hand, some people argue that classroom is the best environment that will ( can) help students to learn both technical (off topic) and social subjects. Teaching social subjects in the school might urge the children to take that seriously (behave in a better manner ) as they will be evaluated during the course. For instance, teaching a subject such as ethics is very beneficial for anyone (avoid such words and be more specific) as this will explain ( they will be taught) the difference between good and bad and will contain (experience) innumerable cases and actions in actual (real) life. Furthermore, students will be graded through the course and this will give them more motivation and make them eager to get high marks. (Furthermore, the students will try hardly to improve their social skills and attitudes to get higher marks as they know that they will be graded after the course. ) In summary (informal , you should use In conclusion instead) , through a multi-pronged approach, both views are very valuable for students. However, in many developed countries, (replace by “I think that” , you should avoid introducing new concepts in the conclusion “ developed countries” ) both school and home sharing (share) the responsibility in (of) teaching the young children how to read and write (off topic) and at the same time involving social subjects and activities to enrich their personality. (where is your opinion, you should say I believe, I think, etc.) Finally the approximate scores can be as follows TR 6 CC 6 LR 6 GRA 5-6 Overall 5.5-6 معذرة على سوء تنسيق الرد وسأحاول لاحقا ان شاء الله بتنظيمه بشكل افضل.. بالتوفيق

----------------------------
جزاك الله خيرا على وقتك يا هندسة وان شاء الله احاول اتلافى الاخطاء في المقالة القادمة ان شاء الله
ربنا يجعله في ميزان حسناتك

 

 

[Muhammad Gad]

It has been claimed that, (remove) governments should pay more attention to railways and trains than roads. However, I believe in the importance of both of them ( that both of them are important) to (the ) public as means of transportation (transport). (don’t copy from the question and try to rephrase)
No one can deny (avoid such introduction, you can start by saying: Firstly, it is irrefutable that trains are paramount because they..) our need for railways and trains because they represent (can be considered one of the fastest types of transport.) fast way for moving from (one) place to another one (remove) in short time. For example, you can travel between Europe( use must use the proper adjective European) countries using them easily at different time(s). ( you can say: For example, trains are being used to comfortably travel around all Europe at all times and in affordable prices.)
In addition to (remove), the safety issue (is more guaranteed with the railway system) as it is considered among (one of ) the safest commuting (not appropriate : it means travel to work on a regular basis) methods when you (remove) compare(comparing) them (it) with cars or plans.
Also, many people prefer to travel using railways because they find them cheaper than travelling by different ways. (a paragraph should be at least of 2 sentences)
On the other hand, it is very important to improve roads and invest money in restructuring them as it is an indispensable way of moving and transferring between countries. (a paragraph should be at least of 2 sentences)
Nowadays ( try another word) , many families have cars and use them regularly to go to their work, universities or even for long vacation and travelling(.) So (Therefore,) their demand is so high (remove) for ways that are both safe and comfortable (is elevating ).
Add to that (Informal: use Moreover, also, furthermore…), when you put roads development in comparison with other commuting methods improvement, you will clearly find that it is worthy because, it represent an essential alternative especially when there are difficulties to reach your destination which is full of rocks and mountains. (try to improve this paragraph because it has no clear idea. You should not use “you” because you are not talking to the reader. You should use more formal style in expressing your ideas)
To sum up (informal , use “ In conclusion instead) , spending on railways is very important as investing in roads where we cannot replace one by the other so, governments must balance its resource to improve both of them. (the conclusion should consist of at least 2 sentences and
should address your opinion clearly. You can use “ I believe , think,etc.)
The approximate scores can be as follows:
TR6
CC5
LA5
GRA5
Overall5
محتاج تعيد ترتيبه تاني وبسهولة ممكن باذن الله تقدر تطوره
بالتوفيق ان شاء الله

 

 

[Muhammad Gad]

اقتباس المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة liketlove ---------------------------- جزاك الله خيرا على وقتك يا هندسة وان شاء الله احاول اتلافى الاخطاء في المقالة القادمة ان شاء الله ربنا يجعله في ميزان حسناتك

منكم نتعلم وربنا ينفع بيك دايما..
في انتظارك في اقرب وقت واي ملاحظات او حاجة مش واضحة بعد التصحيح ممكن نتناقش فيها لتعم الفائدة ..
موفق ان شاء الله

 

 

[Muhammad Gad]

اقتباس المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة mysterio governments should spend money on railways rather than roads to what extent you agree or disagree. It has been claimed that, governments should pay more attention to railways and trains than roads however, I believe in the importance of both of them to public as means of transportation. No one can deny our need for railways and trains because they represent fast way for moving from place to another one in short time for example, you can travel between Europe countries using them easily at different time. In addition to, the safety issue as it is considered among the safest commuting methods when you compare them with cars or plans. Also, many people prefer to travel using railways because they find them cheaper than travelling by different ways. On the other hand, it is very important to improve roads and invest money in restructuring them as it is an indispensable way of moving and transferring between countries. Nowadays, many families have cars and use them regularly to go to their work, universities or even for long vacation and travelling so, their demand is so high for ways that are both safe and comfortable. Add to that, when you put roads development in comparison with other commuting methods improvement, you will clearly find that it is worthy because, it represent an essential alternative especially when there are difficulties to reach your destination which is full of rocks and mountains. To sum up, spending on railways is very important as investing in roads where we cannot replace one by the other so, governments must balance its resource to improve both of them.

حضرتك الرد كامل في التعليقات فوق ..
بالتوفيق ان شاء الله

 

 

[Muhammad Gad]

سنتناول النهاردة بإذن الله ثاني محور من محاورالتقييم وهو ال Coherence andCohesion
ال Coherence ببساطة هو مدى دقةاتساق تسلسل البيانات ومنطقية تقسيمها في Paragraphs بحيثكل واحد منهم تكون له فكرة محورية واحدة ينبثق منتحتها أفكار فرعية اخري.. عدم وجود فكرة واضحة لكل Paragraph يؤدي لنقص الاسكور كما أن عدم تقسيم القطعةمن الأساس طبعا بينزل الدرجة جامد. كل Paragraph لابد يكون مكون من جملتين كحد أدني. (لاحقا هانكلم في مكونات ال Paragraph الصحيح باذن الله ) . مهمجدا برضه البدء بالافكار التي تدعم رأي الكاتب خاصة لو السؤال Do you agree or disagree? فلازم اول Paragraph يكونداعم لرايك مش الراي الاخر ويتناول الأفكار بترتيب منطقي.
ال Cohesion بيقيم مدي وجود ترابط بين جمل كلParagraph وبين ال paragraphs ككل. بمعني ان كل جملة بتؤدي للي بعدها بآداة ربط أو إشارة اوغيره بحيث كل الجمل تكون متسلسلة في المعني والسياق وتغرد مجتمعة لامنفردة.
بمعنى مختصر How clearly you writing communicates its ideas
How well your writing flows
How well your writing is organized
How easy it is for your reader to understand yourIdeas
الأخطاءالشائعة المتعلقة بال CC ؟؟
-عدم تحديد فكرة واحدة كبيرة لكل Paragraphوعدم ترابط الأفكار بداخله مع هذه الفكرة
- عدم ترابط الأفكار مع سياق رأي الكاتب
-عدم وجود أدوات ربط كافية بين الجمل او بين ال Paragraphsككل
-الدوران حول نفس الفكرة في اكثر من Paragraphحتى لو بجمل جديدة
- وجود Paragraphs اقل من جملتين
(سوف نتناول لاحقا بإذن الله كيفية الربط بين الجمل وما هي الأدوات والوسائل المساعدة في تحقيق ذلك)
بالتوفيق للجميع

 

 

[Sama elberashy]

جزاكم الله خير يا باشمهندس
بعد اذنك هحط letter عشان ده الجزء اللى بذاكره حاليا

you recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job.you think he should get job.
in your letter say :
why he shouldn't enjoy going to college
explain why getting a job is a good idea for him
suggest types of job that would be suitable for him

Dear Ahmed,
It's pleasure to hear from you.we haven't been in touch recently. You have written to me asking if it's better to get a job or to join a college and here is my response.
I totally recommend getting a job before going to college because it will add a new experience to you also it will make it easy to join any college you want in the future.
If you try to study at the moment you will find that it's time consuming for individual like you have a lot of duties. On top of it all,the fees of joining a college are usually high and it's hard to be afforded according to your circumstances.
Anyway, my advice to you is to try to find a job even if it is a temporary and not a profession. I suggest that you would apply for Elborg laboratories as they need medical laboratory technicians and I think you will satisfied with this position as you used to love microbiology and chemistry.
I hope see you soon.
Best regards.


Sama