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المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة pharmacistttt |
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You have recently moved to a different house . write a letter to your English friend .
In your letter :
- explain why you have moved .
- describe your new house .
- invite your friend to come and visit .
Dear Leyla ,
I hope this letter finds you and your family well and I'm sorry I haven't been in touch recently . I'm writing to let you know that I have moved to a new house .
As you probably remember, my old flat was a bit small for my big family . as all of my three kids had to sleep together in one bed . you can imagine how annoying that was .additionally , the furniture was of a very poor condition , so I got so fed up with that flat . Ahmed and I searched for a new house till we found our dream one .
I have to tell you I'm so happy with this place . as it's much bigger with two floors . so every kid got to have his own room . there is also a room that is suitable to be their play room . in addition , the garden outside is an extra benefit for me because, as you know , I really wanted to grow some vegetables at home. well , I can do it now .
Anyway, why don't you come round and have a look this Saturday . we will be home the whole day so we can all have lunch or perhaps , if the weather is good , we can have a barbeque out in the garden and our kids can play together for a while ?
Give me a ring and let me know ,
With love ,
Fatima
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Dear Leyla,
I hope this letter finds you and your family well and I'm sorry I haven't been in touch recently. I'm writing to let you know that I have moved to a new house.
As you probably remember, my old flat was a bit small (too cramped) for (to fit) my big family. as (where) all of my three kids had to sleep together in (only) one bed. (Undoubtedly,) you can imagine how annoying (and stressful) that was. additionally (Moreover), the furniture was of a very poor condition, so (and, consequently,) I got so fed up with that flat. (Finally,) Ahmed and I searched for a new house till we found our dream one.
I have to tell you (that) I'm so happy with this place. (remove) as it's (it is) much bigger (and) with two floors. so(Thus,) every kid got to have (has eventually got) his own room. (Moreover,) there is also (remove) a room that is suitable to be their play room (playroom). In addition, the garden outside (outside garden) is an extra benefit for me because, as you know, I really wanted to grow some vegetables at home. well (Hopefully), I can (will be able) do it(this from) now (on).
Anyway, why don't you come round (to our house) and have a look this Saturday. We will be home the whole day, so, we can all have lunch (together)(.)or perhaps (Furthermore), if the weather is good , we can have a barbeque (barbecue) out in the garden and our kids can play together for a while ? (.)
Give me a ring and let me know (when to expect you.)
With love, (Best wishes)
Fatima
Word count: 256
This is too much for a letter as you are required to write only 150 words! (Did you write this task in 20 minutes?!)
There are no prizes for quantity, only quality. The time you spent writing the extra 100 words would be much better spent either planning your letter or checking and improving its quality. Therefore, you should not surpass the word limit as possible.
There are too many mistakes pertaining to grammar and punctuation and they are negatively affecting the overall communication.
Try to be more accurate with capital letters.
Learn more vocabulary.
You have to learn how to connect your sentences and ideas using techniques such as pronoun referencing and signposts. That will surely help to increase the cohesion’s and the TR’s marks.
Finally, the approximate scores can be as follows:
TR 6
CC 5-6
LR 5-6
GRA 5
Overall 5.5
Good luck!